Virtual Kale

Who do I talk to about this? Is there an Office For the Classification of English Words? Maybe a form to fill out? Or just a free form petition?

I am somebody for whom emotions do not come easily. I am loathe to say ‘I am angry.’ Hmm, upon reflection that is a massive understatement. I am incapable of saying (and meaning) ‘I am angry.’

I am Canadian. I am subject to the laws of gravity. I don’t expect either of these to things to change in the foreseeable future. Am and being come with ominous permanence that scares me. Once I say I am angry, I will be an Angry Canadian forever attracted to the planet Earth.

On the other hand I ran to the store suggests an action that has a beginning and an end. It has both intentionality and impermanence.

I realize there are a few potential holes in my thesis.

I feel angry solves the permanence problem. But in the heat of the moment most people are going to keep things simple and basic.

Bob: I’m angry!
Sally: Don’t you mean you feel angry?
Bob: NO! I AM ANGRY!

Many emotion and feeling words are already verbs. Very true, all the more reason to convert all of them! Interestingly, there are many emotion words that have already been verbed, in the opposite direction. Anger being a prime example. Consider the sentence Bob angers Steve. Bob is undertaking some action that is causing Steve to feel the emotion anger. This is crazy! It’s hard enough to control our own emotions, but our language gives us the power to control the emotions of others? wow!

Put another way, anger is a transitive verb; it requires an object. Who or what did you anger? What about making it an intransitive verb. I anger, therefore I am?

Using intransitive verbs for emotions would cause a couple of changes. First it would treat emotional states as things with beginnings and ends. The sun shines from sunrise until sunset. It also provides a sense of ownership.

Sally: Why did you punch a hole in the wall?
Bob: I was angry.

There is no ownership. Some mysterious state of anger descended on Bob and took control of him. Note the difference between: I drank vs I was drunk. One incorporates responsibility, the other abdicates responsibility.

Here is a table with many emotion words divided into three groups. One group includes emotions that already have the a handy verb version. The next group contains the emotion words that don’t have a verb version. The final group lists all the emotions that have a transitive verb form, and are used to impose emotional states on other people or things.

Verbed	Envious, fearful, raging, critical, resentment, hate, mournful, weepy, doubtful, hesitant, decisive, tense, marvellous, love
Unverbed	Livid, mad, furious, bitter, sorrow, dejected, desperate, (un)certain, shy, (un)sure, pessimistic, indecisive, lost, glad, content, joyful, grateful, optimistic, loved, confident, sure, unique, certain, bold, tenacious, ambition,
Backwards	Angered, annoyed, irritated, agitated, disgusted, outraged, upset, crushed, depressed, frustrated, perplexed, embarrassed, pleased, amused, delighted, charmed, empowered

Another flaw in my argument is examples like I am hungry. The verb to be is not inherently permanent. While this is true, I think the amount of permanence is tied to the specific adjective. We all agree that hunger is transient. Perhaps there is a sliding scale of this permanence, but to me I feel a certain open endedness with angry that I don’t feel with hungry.

Lastly, I would be remiss if I talked about emotions as verbs if I didn’t give a shout out to the classic couples help book Love is a Verb. (also apparently a movie and a song. who knew?)